Add the bacon in a large (12"), cold, dry skillet and place over medium heat. Cook until firm but not too crispy, about 10 minutes on the first side and 2-3 minutes on the second side.
Transfer the bacon to a paper towel-lined dinner plate to drain. Crumble or chop into small pieces.
While the bacon is cooking, peel and dice the onion and celery.
If there's less than 2 tablespoons bacon fat in the skillet, add enough olive oil to equal about 2 tablespoons.
With the pan still over medium heat, add the onion, celery, mushrooms and a pinch of salt. The pan might seem too crowded but everything will shrink as it cooks. Stir occasionally until the onion and celery are soft, the mushrooms are deeply browned and their moisture has evaporated, about 10-12 minutes.
Stir in the dried thyme, sage and rosemary, along with about ¼ teaspoon of freshly ground black pepper.
Add the riced cauliflower and ½ teaspoon fine sea salt. Stir until the cauliflower is warmed through and more tender but not mushy, about 3-5 minutes.
Stir in the almonds, dried cranberries, crumbled or chopped bacon, and most of the parsley.
Taste and adjust seasoning if necessary (you may or may not need more salt, depending on how salty you bacon is).
Transfer to a serving bowl, sprinkle on the remaining parsley and enjoy!